Back again

I haven't blogged in years. I had a half hearted attempt at it a few years ago but I didn't stick at it and to be honest regret that. So many things have happened that I haven't a record of ,,,yeah the memories will be ingrained forever but its nice to look back on a record of those memories.

This blog is for me. My head gets so jumbled up sometimes and I always have got a sorta therapy from writing things down ,,,even if they make no sense at the time ,,,they will later on.

I'm making no promises with this blog ,,,it is here if I feel I need it....Ive no idea really what its going to contain but guess time will tell.

I think its a good way to connect with others but to also connect with ourselves and I think that's what I need at this stage in my life. I turned 40 last year and I guess for the first time in a long time I'm taking time out to re valuate my life and see where its going. Ive drifted for a long time ,,,,it suited me to drift but lately Ive realised how hard emotionally drifting can be.

You all know about my sweet little daughters and how much they mean to me. They are the cutest funniest kids and I so want to give them a happy childhood. Any mothers here will know that parenthood doesn't come with a manual ,,, and its a learning curve and just when you've mastered one stage of it ,,,bang your on to the next stage n praying like heck your not going to mess it up. So far we have done good and thankfully the girls are mostly easy and help me along.

If anyone had told me when I tured 30 that at 40 Id be the mother to a ten year old and a six year old ,,,I think I would have laughed out loud. Ive always wanted kids from I was a kid myself and had a long journey towards motherhood. I love being a mother and feel its my purpose in life ,,,but its scary as heck sometimes to have two little ones depending on you.

Its coming up on three years from I got the courts and social services out of my life. If I'm honest I think its taken this long to heal the emotional damage that period of my life caused. I never once have regretted the fight I had for the girls and would do it over again in the morning if I had to. Leading two little ones through that system was damned hard thou ,,,trying to give them security when all our lives were being governed by ifs and buts. Trying to show you weren't emotionally involved -for fear social services would judge you badly-when the wee buggers had stolen your heart and you knew deep down you'd never let them go.

Both my girls are examples that love conkers everything. Ellie was expected to never talk or walk independently ,,,now i cant get her to shut up n sit down!! Moe went through so much pain and heartache but has a lovely heart and isn't afraid to love and trust again.....think they could teach their old mum a few tricks.

I was reading a friends blog this morning and I guess it just brought to the surface a lot of things Id been thinking about over the past months. It gave me the courage and the confidence to blog again and hopefully this helps us all. Its all your fault Danielle ,,,I will think of you every time I poach eggs ,,,which btw i don't cook well either.

I better go for now and get ready for the peace being shattered when the girls get home.