The Princess is six

Ellie turned six on Monday and I swear I know I am still in denial. Feels like I just blinked and she grew up on me. I find watching them grow and develop into little people with their own personalities just amazing.

Ellie entered my life on 15th December 2003. She was 8days old and the tiniest wee mite. At this period of my life I was at a crossroads. Id tried fostering but it was so hard and so much was expected of you that I thought it wasn't for me so had applied to be assessed as an adoptive mother. That road was laden with obstacles but eventually I was approved ,,,,you think this stuff is going to be engraved in your memory but its not. Think that process took about 4 years and was still ongoing when I got a call asking me to foster Ellie. It was early December and although I had made the decision I wasn't going to foster again I couldn't see a child without a home at Christmas so decided to give it a go.

I remember going to the hospital to get her. I was a nervous wreck...had so many mixed emotions ,,,excitement, fear, happy, sadness for the birth parents...but as we all do I just did what was expected of me. I remember talking to the social worker on the way over and expressing some of these emotions ,,,the main one being ,,,concern for the birth family. Here we are on the lead up to Christmas and some stranger is walking into the hospital ,,Christmas trees all over the place ,,,carols playing,,,and taking away your newborn. The social worker told me when I met the parents I would understand better.

We went up to the ward and spoke with the parents,,,bless them it was like talking to Moe and Ellie now ,,,they both had learning disabilities and in effect were children in adults bodies. I was taken to meet Ellie ,,,and thats when I really realised how tiny she was. I had been told she was 5lbs 4oz but to be honest that meant nothing to me. She was teeny tiny and my heart just about stopped. She had been born 5 weeks early but was healthy. I spent some time with her birth family and tried to make things as easy as possible for them. As a foster carer when you get involved with an abusive family its hard to even pass the time of day with them ,,,but these poor souls had done nothing wrong...they just didn't have the ability to care for themselves never mind a newborn.

The mother and I dressed Ellie ,,,,she wore a winnie the pooh baby grow,,,that Id actually bought for Moe's doll for Christmas....a tiny bonnet and a white snowsuit. I made a promise to the birth family that I would treasure Ellie and look after her for them....little did I know then...this wasn't a short term promise. Eventually the birth family left and I sat with the social workers to give them time to get away before they would see us leave with the baby. I remember looking at Ellie sitting in the car seat ....she was like a melted snowman in the wee suit ,,,cos it was too big ,,,but god was she beautiful. Was during this time that I realised the huge responsibility that I had taken on and prayed like mad that i would be able to cope with it.

Six months went by and Ellie's care plan at that time was to be reunited with her parents. It was felt that maybe if enough supports were put in they could parent her. They had to be given a chance and their parenting skills assessed which was understandable. She went for contact three mornings a wee and this was supervised ..the parents tried but sometimes it was just a shambles. When Ellie was four months old it was decided she would join her parents in a residential so their parenting skills could really be tested and they could be taught to care for her. The plan was that they would move in first and Ellie would visit Mon to Fri for 2 weeks then she would move in. This in effect ran for 10 weeks of daily visits. It was hard emotionally ...during that time Ellie began to forget the skills she had mastered ,,,like holding a rattle etc. She came home and slept most of the time ,,,many a night I fed her still asleep. The doctor felt that this was her way of shutting down cos she wasn't coping.

A meeting was held in June and it was decided that Ellie's care plan would change to adoption. I put my hand up straight away and said I wanted to adopt her. I had the birth family's support and this made it easier. The next process ran for two and a half years while all the paperwork and legal stuff was sorted. This nearly did my head in to be honest ,,,I loved this child with all my being but till she was 3 years old there was no guarantee that I could keep her. This in effect was were the real stresses were ,,,I felt you couldn't be seen as being too attached but in reality the little bugger had stole my heart in a way I never felt possible.

When Ellie was eight months old she had a pre adoption medical done. I took her to this medical. The dr said he doubted she would ever walk or talk. Said she looked strange ,,,that her eyes were too far apart ..her ears too low. He asked me if I saw this and i said no ,,,,to me shes just beautiful and that was the gods honest truth. I remember bringing her home that day and just crying for hours....I thought I was so blinded by love that i couldn't see what he saw. Again I gathered myself up. I honestly didn't care that he had given her such a bleak future...I loved her and always from an early age just knew that Ellie would get there. We worked hard teaching her all we could. Things come naturally to most children but with Ellie she had to be taught everything.

Ellie didn't walk till she was 22 months. She walked on halloween night. That image is engraved in my memory. She was wearing a tigger suit and we had been to see the fireworks. She just toddled across the floor....big grin on her face and again I was a sobbing mess. I knew our Els was a fighter and she was proving it to me.

I adopted Ellie on 15th December 2006.....3 years to the day from she was placed. I will always celebrate Ellie's birthday but in my heart her birthday is 15th Decemeber ,,,the day she entered my life and the day I knew for sure she was mine.

Ellie has global developmental delay ,,,which in layman terms means every aspect of her development is delayed. She attends mainstream school and has some one to one support. She is like a wee bud to me and its so so rewarding to watch her blossoming. Ellie has many fears,,,the world is a big scary place to her and at times she breaks my heart. She struggles with everyday stuff...for example halloween used to be just awful. She couldn't cope with the noise and the whole hustle of it. Think it was two years ago she just cried the whole night long ,,,got so upset and anxious about it she had diarrhoea .......but this year she was out in the thick of it. You should seen the smile on her face when she said mum I'm not scared of the bangs,,,she was over the moon. Another big obstacle for her but she got there.

Ellie is so blessed to have Moe as her sister. Moe supports her in so many ways and she has learned so much from Moe. She loves Moe with all her heart but like any siblings they can fight like mad. I honestly think God bunched us all together. He knew we needed each other.

I'm so proud of both my girls. I guess I sometimes get scared ...and its hard making all the decisions for them but God and my angels guide me. I'm so glad the girls were sent to me as Ive no idea what else I could have done with my life that would have fulfilled me and made me this happy.

I guess I end this post by saying Happy Birthday Ellie....I love you babes.